First RE appointment!

I had such high hopes. I'm not sure why I thought that I would feel better about things when I left the appointment but I didn't. I thought since I was taking the big step in seeing the specialist that the specialist would have some words of wisdom for me. But I guess I was a little thrown when he looked at me in the beginning of our meeting and said, "so, what do you want to do?" To which I replied, "I don't know, fix me?" What kind of a question is that exactly? You're the fucking expert, why on God's green earth would you ask me that?!?! Don't get me wrong, he was very knowledgeable about everything. Knew all the statistics off the top of his head, etc. But another thing that bothered me was that he didn't keep my medical records that I had dropped off. I understand that they put all the information in their computer system but don't you want to hold on to them? Maybe that's the lawyer in me that says hold on to everything that may be relevant somewhere down the road. Perhaps its different in the medical field. So, the next step is that we're going to go to 150mg of clomid. We'll start that after I get my period. If I don't get my period by next Friday, then I'll call them, they'll proscribe some provera for me and off we'll go to take that so that I'll bleed and can take another drug to induce ovulation with the false hope that this might actually do something. Can you tell I'm not in the best of moods right now? Also, and this is probably the most unsettling part of the whole meeting. We were discussing next steps, what happens if the next cycle of clomid doesn't work, etc. So we start talking about injectionables with IUI and from what I understand, if we're not on board with the possibility of selective reduction, then he won't even do the injectionables/IUI path and will go straight to IVF. Seriously? I have a call in to him to clarify this point. Part of me hopes that I understood this incorrectly but I don't think I did. And if I understood it correctly, what.the.fuck? Who are you to take one of our options away and throw us into the arms of the ever invasive IVF world? I'm not comfortable with this at all and may have to see about going to another clinic if this is the case. Of course right now it's just hurry up and wait. I so hate this. I hate that I'm going through this. I hate that I have to put my husband through this. I wish I knew what I could do to make this all go away and just be pregnant. It's kind of comical that you spend so much time worrying about getting pregnant and now that I actually can my body won't cooperate. I guess you would call it irony. I just think it fucking sucks. I'm not having a good night.