It just follows me...

I left work in a sad mood. I drove to the acupuncturists in silence. I never drive in silence. The louder the music the better. If I'm feeling randy, I'll even sing at the top of my lungs. Not tonight. Tonight I actually felt my face frown. Ever feel that? You can actually feel the corners of your mouth turning down into a frown. This just means that the tears aren't far behind. But I managed to hold them at bay. I made it through my acupuncture appointment, made it home (even put some music on on the way home) and as soon as my husband asked me how I was, I started to speak and began to uncontrollably cry on his nice white crisp t-shirt. He just hugged me and assured me that everything was going to be okay. That I'm not broken and that we will one day have a child. And I know he's right. But just for those ten minutes, I gave in to all the fear, anguish, and heartache that follows this infertility journey. When I was done, I caught my breath, blew my nose and there it was again. Hope.